Privilege for dummies

privilege, n — a right, immunity or benefit enjoyed by particular person or group of people.

Indications that you may be privileged:

  • Your sheltered life is so free from any real problems that you have time to whine about words and images that hurt your feelings while other people are dying of Ebola, being gang-raped on buses or watching their families get slaughtered by militia.
  • You can post status updates about your bad day and be immediately lavished with attention and sympathy by a horde of drooling online followers.
  • You never have to experience the meaningless drudgery of a regular job because your entourage of sycophantic luvvies will support your parasitic existence indefinitely at their own expense.
  • Actual violent crime is such an alien concept that you cannot comprehend why the police might have better things to do than track down people who use nasty words on the Internet.
  • You exert such a stranglehold over an institution’s administration that you can impose mandatory political indoctrination sessions under the guise of “diversity training” or “consent workshops”.
  • You are so accustomed to being surrounded by mawkish admirers that the thought of even a single person being unkind to you fills you with horror and outrage.
  • You are able to censor other people’s reading material, shut down debate on any subject you find offensive, and be showered with free money simply by declaring yourself an Victimâ„¢.
  • Evidence of genuine discrimination against you is so hard to find that you have to rely on made-up words and misinterpreted statistics to convince the world that you are still an Oppressed Minority in need of “liberation”.
  • If someone upsets you online you can easily call upon a howling mob of nodding conformists to point and scream hysterically until the offender apologises, loses their job and/or commits suicide.
  • You genuinely believe that any disagreement with your political views, no matter how politely expressed, is a violation of your basic human rights.
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